It’s rough. It really is. I feel as though no one else understands. No one seems to understand why it’s taking such a toll on me, even I can’t understand it. But I’m not trying to understand it, I’m just trying to get through this.
I haven’t stopped crying for the past 5 days and it seems like these tears are endless. I loved you so much and I treasured you more than I could have ever imagined. You came to us in the month of April and you’ve left us in the month of April thirteen years later. I will treasure these past thirteen precious years in my heart forever. I never knew that such a large part of my heart could belong to just one furry friend. You were more than a pet, babygirl. You were a faithful companion, a confidant, a smooth coat to soothe my tears, my playmate. You had a heart of gold and loved everyone you encountered and in return, won the hearts of all those that met you. You were the best dog any family could ever ask for and you were well loved. I know you loved us too.
It hurts when I realize that April is gone, forever. She won’t be home when I go home on the weekends. She won’t be lying on her bed or on the couch. Slowly, her dog hair will disappear from all my clothes. Now I can’t help but wish I had never used the lint roller so her fur could stay forever. I look through old photos, against my mother’s advice, because I cannot seem to stay away. I’m afraid if I stop staring at her beautiful face, I’ll forget the details of her. I’m scared I’ll forget how it felt when she leaned completely into your hand as you scratched behind her ears. Or how her precious paws felt when she gave you a high five or a handshake, how her trusting and eager eyes attentively looked at you. I never want to forget them and I never want to stop missing her.
I don’t question God for taking her away from us. It’s life and I know it happens. I’m not confused as to why her time with us has come to an end. If there are any questions on my mind, it would just be “why does God allow us to become so attached to something that we know will leave us”? I am overwhelmed with sadness and grief and being okay seems so far off. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t study. I just loved her so incredibly much. I don’t think I’ve ever loved anything in the world this much before and it hurts like crazy for her to be gone. I know I’ll get through this eventually, but it might take me a long time to be okay again.
Love you forever, babygirl. ❤