The Giving Tree

Sometimes I feel like my life is equivalent to the Giving Tree. I’m not saying I demand to appreciated or am asking to be recognized but I would definitely label myself as “the girl who is taken for granted”. I would never abandon a friend in time of need, I suck at burning bridges with people I should have omitted from my life right from the beginning. I give too often, too much, and receive too little. And most of the time, I’m perfectly okay with that. But sometimes, it really sucks being that girl. The one a person give a cold shoulder to for the longest time but when they call, I’m there. I am always willing to essentially stop whatever I am doing and help as much as I can. I haven’t quite figured out if this is a blessing or a curse. Being this way makes me a loyal friend to have but it can often be exhausting of my energy. Sometimes I feel like I’m too busy taking care of other people and being there for other people, I’m not there for myself, or I have no energy left for myself.  At large group this week, we were asked to draw a picture to represent how we love. I drew a fountain because the way I love feels like it’s always giving. It’s like a fountain with no option of shutting off which would result in a waste of water. You would think this is a good thing, “oh, she’s always overflowing with love!” but it really does feel like  a waste of “love” sometimes. I can’t turn off the fountain no matter how I try so I’m left pouring out myself endlessly. Some of my closest friends repeatedly tell me, “You’re too nice” or “I don’t know how you can still be friends with that person”. In truth, I don’t know how I am either. Giving endless second chances is my forte and people recognize this and sometimes takes advantage of it. Maybe it’s due the mothering nature everyone seems to say I have but I really do not know. That being said however, I do appreciate the friends who recognize it and respond with the same love. The ones   that always take the time to ask me how I’m doing and making sure that I have not neglected myself. These are the people that hold me together when I feel like my fountain has run dry but I’m still trying to give. I’ve just reflected a lot on my life since coming to college. In life, you make time for those who are important to you. In my life, it feels like I always make time and often do no receive the same time. I’ve tried to change how I am and force myself to stop caring so much but I’m slowly learning to accept what I can’t change about myself and using it in a positive way.  Just to end I want to share a quote I came across the other day and absolutely loved it:  “No one has ever become poor by giving” – Anne Frank. 

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